Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween costumes, or, What's another word for slutty?

Around our house, Halloween costumes have become a big deal. The girls start thinking about what they want to be somewhere around July September, and we start looking around for ways to make them the costumes they want. This year, Rae wanted to be a pirate, and Leah wanted to be Princess Leia, due to her obsession with Star Wars, which shortly predated her obsession with Labyrinth.

Rae's costume was easy enough. We bought the hat/scarf and a set containing eye patch, earring, hook and sword at Walmart, added black pants from home, and a wonderful puffy shirt/waistcoat combo that was loaned to us by my friend Janice, et voila, a scurvy buccaneer. Leah's was not so easy. After a few painful attempts to coil her hair into Leia's hair bagels, I gave up and did something I've never done before. I ordered her costume online. (I feel like such a sell-out.)

Oh, before I get much further in the story, here is a picture of my incredibly cute offspring, taken this morning before school -- because God knows what kind of shape the costumes will be in when they get off the school bus this afternoon.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, ordering online. I ordered from an outfit that is associated with a local party supplies store, so instead of paying shipping to my house, I picked the costume up at the party store.

When I got there on Wednesday to pick it up, I was floored by all the Halloween stuff they had -- costumes, decorations, make-up, props -- it was truly amazing. But what caught my eye the most was a poster advertising costumes for a company called Secret Dreams. They were women's costumes, and were all kind All the costume names were prefaced with the word 'sexy', you know, like 'Sexy Angel', and 'Sexy I Dream of Jeannie', and (God help us all) 'Sexy Tinkerbelle'.

Umm, yeah. My eyes started rolling. But you can see -- sort of -- how those female archetypes could be seen as sexy. What blew my mind was what other not-very-sexy costumes they managed to sex up. I present to you, now, the real thing, and the Secret Dreams versions. And I'm not making this up, you know.

The real Wednesday Addams from the Addams Family (note that she is a seven-year-old girl):

And the slutty 'Sexy Wednesday Addams':

A real NASCAR driver:

And the sleazy 'Sexy NASCAR Driver':

But the one that really boggled my mind as being something that was not the least bit sexy was this, the real Ghostbusters:

And (I shit you not), the skanky 'Sexy Ghostbuster':

I am left almost speechless. And needing a thesaurus to come up with more synonyms for 'slutty'.

I did notice, however, that this sluttiness sleaziness skankiness 'sexiness' doesn't seem to be present in the mens' costumes. Oh no siree, Bob. Not at all.

Holy Halloween Inequity, Batman:

Here's Neo, from The Matrix. Not a lotta skin showing here, is there?

What we need is the 'Sexy Casino Royale James Bond' costume -- you know, to even things up for us women:

Wait. On second thought, thinking of what most men actually look like, maybe Neo isn't such a bad costume idea after all.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

(Photos courtesy of Google, except for the picture of my adorable spawn, courtesy of me.)


  1. Love the little ones' costumes - and which costume did you pick for yourself???

  2. So you went with the Nascar driver right? I reckon because it's a costume, all of a sudden I'm going to want to show the world my "goods." Baffles me really...

    Your kids are adorable. I will have to explain the differences between New Mexico Mike and a mariachi.

  3. Guider - I hadn't planned that far in advance for me. I'll have to see if I can find my witch's hat.

  4. Nat - EXACTLY. The bafflement part. Now I'm interested in what exactly a New Mexico Mike is.

  5. I am baffled and amused by the "slutty" costumes. Just amazing. Where do people where these to? Frat parties? Church "Trunk or Treats", snort, LOL.

    By the way, the girls looked adorable!

  6. I had a couple of 11-year-olds in slutty attire at my door today. It's a long story, but they were stealing, I was yelling, and they were nasty.

  7. I shit you not (lol - just had to)... I am watching Ghostbusters on Family Channel RIGHT NOW!

    Love the girls' costumes. nice!

    Sorry, but Sexy Wednesday's costume is HAWT (although I think for the bedroom or strip club only! lol). The Sexy Nascar one made me LAUGH MY BUTT OFF!

  8. Anonymous9:53 PM

    Sexy is all the rage amongst the high school crowd. All the girls dressed like fairies so they could wear fishnets and tutus and clingy, low-cut tops and tons of make-up. Sexy flapper seemed to be the #1 costume at the school this year.

  9. Yeah, there are very few costumes that aren't all sexy for women!

    Love the photo of your girls.

  10. Your girls look great!

  11. Anonymous5:44 PM

    They are allowed to wear their costumes to school? Really? The kindergarteners can TAKE their costumes to school and wear them midday for their party, but the older kids can't even do that. No costumes allowed at school. *sigh* What a bore.

    Yes, I found plenty of sexy pirate costumes while I was looking for ideas for my stuff. I can't imagine ever wearing something like that!

  12. Um, Bat Man can look a tad on the raw side if you've got the right man in the wrong costume. We were given one that's possibly for a pre-adolescent boy and my average hight, rounder then average husband tried to fit into it. There was a serious issue of showing off the boys there ... Adam West would have been either proud or very embarrassed. Me. I still laugh hard at the memory.

    As for the sexy ladies costumes. Depends on the neighborhood. Those types of costumes are the ones I used to see on a regular basis in my 'hood and it wasn't even hallowe'en. (Though the ladies didn't look THAT good.)

  13. BTW - way to go with the costume choices. It's fun/funny to see some of the costumes I wore coming back into style.

  14. Anonymous5:35 PM

    The girls look fab!!!

    The slutty/sexy costumes are simply beyond belief.

  15. Sexy Nascar Driver? Well, that's an oxymoron if ever I heard one! The kids looked great.

  16. Oh yuck on those costumes. Hope they were in the back of the store!

    Love the girls' costumes!

  17. Anonymous12:41 AM

    Found you from Jen's blog. I share a birthday with you! Cool! :)

  18. I love the costumes you picked for your cutie pies!

    As for the sexy customs, I bet they collected a lot of candy!

  19. That Nascar driver outfit reminds me of Mariah Carey's "Candy" video. Absolutely, horrific, not for Halloween or anytime period.

    I found a great place that sells used costumes for kids and adults and has some new items as well, not trashy at all. It's called Phase 2 Clothing and Uniforms. You can read the review where I found out about this great place here:

    Take care,

  20. You remind me of the babe
    What babe?
    the babe with the power
    What power?
    power of voodoo
    Who do?
    you do
    Do what?
    remind me of the babe!!!

    Sorry that was like one of my all time favorite movies. Its a little dissapointing watching it as an adult though...well maybe a little!

    Anyway, this is why I never want to attend Halloween Parties...cause let me tell you..the plus size and I shit you not!!...the plus sized ladies costumes are no better! Plus.Sized. it kinda means I do not need or want any of my body on display!

    and yes the girls are as cute as ever!!!