Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Son of the Evil Ninja Assassin Cat


Good evening, Large One.

I cannot believe you have made such a mis-step, such a mistake. In all the years of our warfare you have proved a worthy opponent. But no more.

Did you really think that bringing another Superior Being into the household would tame me? Did you think that another of my ilk would render me soft and playful? Ha! I laugh at that idea.

You have provided me with a henchkitten, and together we will. destroy. your. world.

Sure, he looks innocuous and sweet:


But I shall train him. He shall be my disciple in all the unholy arts.

We shall eat together:

And rest together:

I shall teach him the arcane and mysterious feline martial arts:

I shall school him in the occult mysteries of mind melding and thought transfer:


And then I shall turn him loose to wreak havoc on your paltry human lives!

He will shed all over your favourite chair:


He will steal your identity and demolish your credit rating! (And order lots of canned tuna online.)

He will bite all the buttons off your duvet cover!


And shred the blankie of Loud One!

Anarchy and mayhem shall follow you all the days of your life!

The Evil Ninja Assassin Cat and the Henchkitten will be obeyed!

Or you shall suffer the consequences.

9 comments:

  1. Now I'm scared. When we come up in August, I will be bringing a security force of Army Green Berets with me. And possibly some Navy SEALs. And perhaps I should exercise my constitutional right to bear arms too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jen - One or two Green Berets ought to do it. Or a spray bottle full of cold water. Oh, and your Constitution loses its force at the border. No handguns allowed in Canada.

    Loth - Exactly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My cats seemed quite upset that your cat would share all that information. One even opened her eyes ALL THE WAY and thought about moving off the bed. Tell him to watch his back, because I think they might contemplate planning something sometime. Maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You. Are. Doomed.

    - Jazz

    ReplyDelete
  5. Maybe Jen should bring a chair and a whip like a big cat trainer.

    ReplyDelete
  6. How do you sleep at night?

    ReplyDelete
  7. (struggling for witty comment).....

    Ha ha.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Maven - Please keep me informed in case I have to prepare for a feline invasion from across the river. Opening eyes ALL THE WAY is a warning sign not to be ignored.

    Jazz - Yes. I. am.

    Jilly - Good idea!

    Meanie - With one eye open, baby, with one eye open.

    Biblio - It's not often that you are without a witty comment. Are you feeling OK?

    ReplyDelete