Monday, February 23, 2009

Return of the evil ninja assassin cat



Morning greetings, Large One. I see you and your skin kittens feeding at the table. I spurn your meal. It is a meal fit only for humans. Toasted bread and brown sticky spread from nuts that grow underground. Pah! I spit on your meal. (I mean, if my mighty death-dealing jaws were able to spit, I'd spit on your meal.)

Not for you are the tasty flayed carcasses of mice, or the heady intoxication of bacon 'n' liver dinner fresh from the can. Not for you is the cool fresh water lapped from the large white bowl in the room where the skin kittens immerse themselves in vile baths. Not for you are the.......wait.....I smell milk! Ah milk, sweet nectar of the feline gods, second only to the warm, salty tang of blood from still-twitching prey.

I am the evil ninja assassin cat! I. Will. Have. Your. Milk.

I will use all my ninja skills. I will use my stealth and my grace to perform such acrobatics as are necessary to acquire the milk that should, nay must, be mine! You dull humans will not even see me as I impersonate the shadows and the darkness to liberate that which should by rights belong to the superior being in this household.

It begins.

17 comments:

  1. HAHA! You should know better by now to not put your hand out there for him to get!

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  2. Hahaaha! Oh I love how cats get crazy like that.

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  3. LOL!that ouch is your own fault.

    dont mess with ENACat

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  4. Damn! Who knew there was a cat under there? I often see a similarly strange bulge under my duvet and assume (like we all do) that it's an air pocket. Boy am I surprised when I stick my feet under there.

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  5. On the upside, a great resource if you run into one of those menacing girl gangs again...
    p.s. thanks so much for visiting and commenting. You must read a crazy amount, or just be really really nice. Or my friends paid you. Which is fine -- really not proud.

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  6. Heh heh, ouch ouch! My cats tail was sticking out from under the covers this morning and my other cat kept trying to get it. Very annoying as I was trying to sleep.

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  7. I'm going to disagree with the comments... pretty sure those turkeys could take it...

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  8. Evil Ninja Assassin Cat scares the crap out of me.

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  9. Bibliomama, I hope that you read this. I've been trying to comment on your blog all day, but I can't get past the word verification. It just keeps loading and I never get to see the word I'm supposed to verify.

    I only run from the cat, or after the children. Other than that, it's just too much like work for me.

    And I'm not really really nice (OK, I totally am). I read your blog because it is smart and funny. I like smart and funny.

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  10. Good to see you know your place!

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  11. LOL, what a cheeky bugger! He's orange like my kitty too! :)

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  12. Oh -- weird. Thanks, I'm on it.

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  13. ENAC put you in your place .... ouch! That'll be a reminder to you to keep your hands off!

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  14. Skin kittens. That one made me laugh out loud.

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  15. Skin kittens :-)

    I still love it.

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  16. A rather triumphant return, indeed.

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  17. I love you SO MUCH! Evil ninja assassin cat should have her (his?) own blog ... the hit of the Internets.

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