Thursday, February 12, 2009

L is for loser, that's good enough for me


I'm either a really nice mum, or certifiably insane, or maybe both. Friday is a PD day at the girls' school, so today is the day that they will be exchanging valentines. Of course, we did not purchase valentine cards when they hit the shelves, back in late December, nor are we the Martha kind of family who hand-makes individual valentines out of red velvet, Alençon lace, spun-gold thread and unicorn hair, so I realized yesterday that we would have to go shopping for VDay cards that night so that my girls would not suffer social ostracism at school. ("Yeah," I can hear you saying, "Good luck with that.") It took stops at 5 stores (one department store, 2 grocery stores and 2 pharmacies) before we found some that weren't either Dora the Exporer or Hannah Montana. Which meant that Leah and Rachel were up past their bedtime filling out the cards and taping a foil-wrapped chocolate heart to each one (because cards are not enough, apparently).

And then while making lunches this morning, an olive escaped when I was transferring it from the jar to a container for Leah. It bounced across the kitchen counter, onto the dining room floor, where it rolled between the CD tower and the wall. Batting a very interested Max away, I sat on the floor to retrieve it, instead of just bending over. Why, I don't know -- probably because I was so tired from wrangling overtired kids to bed way too late, and from having a crappy night's sleep because of Rachel ending up in bed with me -- but it provided the opportunity for some sticky-backed foam letters and numbers that had been left on the floor when the girls were making crafts to afix themselves to the seat of my pants. I didn't notice, and if the girls did, they weren't saying. So I came to work this morning with a purple S and a yellow 8 stuck to my jeans. I was like some kind of pervy Sesame Street episode: "Today's ass is brought to you by the number 8 and the letter S."

Luckily I saw them in the mirror when I went into the washroom very soon after I got to work, so I don't think very many people anyone noticed. Loser.

21 comments:

  1. I'm sorry, but I laughed over this. I know it's not nice and that I should be sympathetic and sending you hugs, but I'm sitting here guffawing very loudly.

    Just tell everyone that S and 8 are for Size 8.

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  2. I'm with Jen, but I really needed a giggle this morning, so thank-you!

    I've spent the last 2 weeks watching the Princess painstakingly write all her classmates names on Valentines, a couple a day, and on Tuesday (she's in alternate days SK) a note came home from the teachers asking us to leave the Valentines blank or address them 'to my friend' so that they'd be easier for the kids to distribute. All I could think was, "Thanks for the notice, Ms. Butter-wouldn't-melt-in-your-mouth, now why don't you bite me?"

    Happy Valentine's anyway!

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  3. Oh boy you made me laugh.

    AND you've inspired me to a post.

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  4. Thanks for the laugh! Atleast they got there by accident. My kids would done intentially done it to me and laughed about it.

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  5. OMG, that is something I would totally do!!!

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  6. Funny...had a hard time finding "boy" Valentines that weren't "embarrassing". I'm hoping that next year when my son is in grade 4 we won't have to go through the torture...The 7 year old girl was thrilled with her Hannah Montana sticker Valentines when we picked them out but as she was addressing them she kept commenting the so and so won't like them cause they don't like HM. ergh!!!

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  7. Can't type.... laughing too hard....
    At least it was the letter s. You could have looked like you were inviting people to play bingo on your ass.
    xo

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  8. im trying not to laugh.

    i could lie and say i didnt.. but i cant.

    i would laugh at myself in the same sitch.

    now you better do a bum check when you leave in the morning.

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  9. I think you’re long overdue for a night or afternoon of minor frivolity sans kids. Facebook me.

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  10. I totally didn't mean to laugh because it was your turn today but will probably be my turn tomorrow!

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  11. PS: There will be a teeny surprise at my blog for you tomorrow morning.

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  12. sorry, but that is hilarious! and i agree with xup. get a sitter. go out. drink something with olives in it.
    and i can't believe you're kids eat olives :)

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  13. now THIS is a great story. sounds exactly like something that would happen to yours truly.

    no more letters for you!!

    ha ha

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  14. oh. and happy valentines to you a!

    http://momofboxer.blogspot.com/2009/02/im-leaving.html

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  15. I followed XUP's advice and wandered over to take a peak at your blog. Good stuff.

    "Today's ass is brought to you by the number 8 and the letter S." I love it!

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  16. Guffaw!

    (But it's still not as good as the story about what you did when you sneezed at the library. Still a classic in my mind!)

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  17. This would totally happen to me.

    I'm not sure when giving candy with the valentines became de rigueur. But damn, it increases the work load and the price tag...

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  18. 1st, congratulations on not falling into the Dora/Hanna trap.

    2ndly, you found foiled hearts? We ended up putting Tootsie Roll lollies and a carmel square in the Martha-Stewartish paper maché hearts I got sucked into making. (Putting a hair dryer to the last 1/2 dozen at 10:30 p.m the night before D-Day SUCKS!)

    Now, as for the lesson on your backside, *if* any of your colleagues did/would they tell you or would they just point and snicker?! Or would they be thinking you're "making a statement"!!?!

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  19. My son just handed out valentines. I didn't bow to peer pressure. No candies or chocolate for his classmates. Yeah, mean mom. Our society is way too treat/gift/reward happy!

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