Friday, November 09, 2007

Things I learned last night

  • If your daughter says she isn't feeling well, and you cuddle up with her on the couch, make sure that she isn't totally pinning your legs so that you can move quickly to get her to the bathroom if she starts to throw up.

  • If you are half pinned under your daughter and she starts to throw up, instinct will make you cup your hands under her mouth to catch the throw up so it doesn't splatter on you, her, and the couch.

  • Cupped hands can only hold the output of about 3 heaves.

  • Children rarely stop puking after only 3 heaves, so vomit containment quickly becomes an issue.

  • If you yell to your other, younger, daughter to run to the kitchen and get Mommy a bowl so that you can unload your cupped hands of the vomit, it's a good idea to specify that you want a big bowl, otherwise your helpful child might return with a small glass bowl -- the kind you'd see on a cooking show holding the quarter cup of corn starch.

  • When the total insane absurdity of the situation hits you, don't laugh, or the puking child will think you're laughing at her, and not at the absurdity of the situation, and she will start crying as well as puking.

  • Once you have cleaned up the sick daughter, yourself, and the couch, and convinced the other daughter to put her clothes back on (for she has taken advantage of you being, ummm, distracted to strip to her underwear and get into the Halloween candy while watching TV) and got everyone into the car and have driven halfway to the after-hours clinic, your sick child will perk up and say her head and her stomach don't hurt anymore and that she just wants to go home and can she have some pizza please.

  • You will take her to the clinic anyway, even though you know they will tell you it's just a virus, because if you don't, it will turn out to have been a brain tumour or something.

15 comments:

  1. I looooooovvve being a mommy!!!

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  2. ewwww...hope she's feeling better...

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  3. I love how you can turn even a puking kid into something funny. Hope she's feeling better today.

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  4. I hope she's feeling better! I never thought I'd get used to being thrown up on, but I'm almost there...

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  5. Oh, my...that's quite a story!

    I hope she's feeling better...did you give her the pizza?

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  6. Poor her. Poor you. Has everyone recovered yet?

    We have a leather sofa and that's where we plop our girls when they're sick, because the leather cleans so well afterward. We've also trained them to barf into one of those big plastic stadium cups and not make a mess.

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  7. Alissa - no, she didn't get pizza. She got some gingerale and some toast.

    Jen - When she said she didn't feel well, she didn't specify she was feeling nauseous. She had been complaining of a headache, and I thought she was coming down with a cold, and that some cuddling and body heat would be just the ticket. I didn't realize at the time that a bucket would have been handy. Good idea with those stadium cups though. I wish I had a leather couch.

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  8. Oh, and as of Saturday, no one else has succumbed. I'm hoping it was an isolated virus. Thanks everyone for asking and for the get better wishes.

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  9. Oh yuck! I feel your pain though. I've cupped my hands many times and they NEVER have held enough! Hope she's better soon!

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  10. EWWW.
    I sure hope she's feeling better.

    I don't do well with the whole "throw up" process. I become a sympathetic one which just leads to 2 miserable people.

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  11. Good grief Al, I didn't realize blogs were a haven for great humour. I had a similar experience with vomit, only it was with Clyde after he had ingested a 2lb tub of Imperial margarine. The carpet had to be pulled up after than incident.

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  12. Sounds like you learned several important lessons...

    ...the hard way...

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  13. PS) I hope she's feeling better. My daughter just got over a wicked bug too...

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  14. i'm sorry, but i'm laughing my ass off over here.
    i am glad she is feeling better though!

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  15. Now that was the most hilarious vomit story I have ever read! I hope she's feeling better.

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