Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Screaming adult snake valium

This is a fairly sleepy little blog. On an average day, about 50 people visit here and leave between 10 and 15 comments. Most visitors are in the friends (both real-life and blog friends) and family category. Others stumble across Party of 3 in a variety of ways. A few days ago, I posted about Colin Firth, and the stats exploded. (Well for me it was an explosion, proportionally, visits to my site tripled.)

I did a little research and found out that these hits, which were coming from all over the world (Japan, UK, Belgium, Germany, Romania, Portugal, Australia, China, France, Canada, USA), could all be traced back to 2 Colin Firth chat sites that had linked my blog. There are A LOT of women who seriously like some Colin apparently. More than I ever imagined. They didn't leave any comments, but that's OK, I like seeing all the new dots appearing on my map of the world widget that tracks visitor locations.

Over the last little while, I've been interested in how people find my blog. I've been keeping track of Google search strings that have sent people here. There are two search strings that appear over and over. "How to remove a squirrel from your fireplace" and variations on that theme send 2 to 3 people per day to this blog post. Think of it. Squirrels are falling down chimneys all over North America and Europe at a rate of 2 or 3 a day, sometimes as many as 5! This is verging on being an epidemic of squirrel falls. Perhaps the World Wildlife Fund should get involved.

And then there are those who Google "I'm too sexy for my shoes" (1 or 2 per week) and get sent here. A large percentage of those hits come from India. Curious. Maybe Right Said Fred should mount a comeback tour in Mumbai.

But it's the weird search strings that bring people to your blog that are the most fun. Ones that make you shake your head. Ones like these:

Can you light a fire in your chimney to chase a squirrel out?
Technically, yes, but it's a really bad idea. Seriously.

Kermit crack
I don't even want to know if that is some new kind of illicit drug or a frog in plumber pants.

Tampax crafts
Eeew, stick with the foam shapes and glitter glue. Please.

i want to send a sorry mail to my manager that i have done wrong stuffs in the party
Getting drunk at an office party is nearly always a career-limiting move. Except maybe in Japan.

Alison Detroit nude
While I have been in Detroit on more than one occasion, and I have been nude from time to time, I can honestly say I've never been nude in Detroit. Not even that one time...

Male cow penises
Um, what other kind of cow penises are there?

screaming adult snake valium
Sorry, I only have the screaming children's snake valium on hand. Wish I could help you though.

What's the weirdest search that ever brought someone to your blog?


  1. how do you see what searches have brought people you your blog?

  2. meanie - I installed sitemeter (free version) which tracks your visitor stats and if you click "by referrals" you can see how someone showed up at your site. Not all the time, if someone has you bookmarked, it'll just say 'unknown', but you can see if someone got there through their google reader, or if they came in from a comment you left on someone else's blog. Or if they came in on a Google search.

  3. ohmygod

    I choked on lunch reading that!

    (epidemic of squirrel falls!)

    priceless :-)

  4. Can you imagine what they'd make of our wb? I love checking how people found me, I did a post on it a while ago but didn't keep it when I made the switch from personal to guiding only, but people found me for the weirdest stuff including the one time I mentioned Corner Gas!

  5. Wouldn't it be bull penises?

  6. lol i have had weird stuff also.. i will have to go later and send it to you

  7. The biggest spike I got was way back when, I wrote something about how "Tide did not get the blood out."

    I couldn't figure out where it came from.. either it made the rounds at Tide or the RCMP was making sure I hadn't killed or maimed someone.

  8. thanks! i did it! now i can prove to myself how unpopular i am :)

  9. This is some sort of pandemic. I think 40% of the blogs I read have done a “search terms” post some time in the last couple of weeks or so. I wonder what this means? I’m still trying to figure out why the entire universe is suddenly so interested in lamborhinis. I posted a photo of these cars in my Dollars to Donuts post. It had the usual amount of traffic at the time. Then about a month ago traffic to that post suddenly spiked enormously – and it hasn’t stopped. Every day it’s the top seller. Weird. It’s freaking me out.

  10. XUP - I think 'search terms' is a kind of unofficial meme. I've been collecting them for some time to make a post when I didn't have much to say. It tied in well with the Colin Firthalanche (thanks, Bill, for that term) so I posted it. Chris at Rude Cactus does these posts a couple times a year. I probably saw someone else's post and it subconsciously nudged me to do mine.

    Eliot - Maybe you should Google "Choking on lunch while reading about squirrels". You might find a blog that would help. :-)

    Strictly - You know Corner Gas??? I love that show. Do you get it in the UK?

    Jen - Yes, it probably should have been bull penises. I guess the only thing more worrying than someone looking for cow penises is that I had a blog post containing those words.

    Jobthingy - now *that* I'd like to see, lol.

    Nat - maybe they were searching for that comedy email where the lady is writing to Tide about how well it gets blood out and you can tell from her email that she's offed her hubby. I get hits all the time for a bit I reposted about when women drink too much that gets a few hits monthly.

  11. well just checked my newly installed site meter. the results? a whole whack of people looking for pics of old mommies. nice. i guess people aren't coming to me for parenting tips!

  12. How does the sitemeter compare to google Analytics? How can I install it on my website?