Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Revenge of the evil ninja assassin cat


I see you, Large One, bent over that machine on the desk, tapping away with fingers that move like a wounded mouse. But you do not see me. I am the evil ninja assassin cat. I move like the wind, like the darkness, and you are as helpless as a My Little Pony before me.

Your skin kittens are sleeping in their nests and will be unable to save you. You will pay for your crimes. Never again will you remove me from my rightful place on the kitchen counter or deny me the milk left in the skin kittens' mugs on the dining room table. Never again will you spray me with the unspeakable water bottle when I deign to favour your couch with the razor touch of my claws.

I will no longer eat a bowl of dry crunchies on the kitchen floor while you open that fishy deliciousness that comes in cans and mix it with foul mayonnaise on slices of bread for yourself. Your time has come. I will chew your entrails.

See how carefully I have followed you to the basement and chosen my vantage point to pounce?

Make peace with your God.



19 comments:

  1. lmao! AND as I was reading this my own cat jumped up on the chair behind me. eek.

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  2. Going back through the archives - More Ninja Cat, please!!

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  3. I have been waiting for more Ninja Cat since the day I was lucky enough to come upon this here fine blog ... and Oh my Shatner, here it is! You RULE.

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  4. I'm scared. Hold me.

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  5. Ya, this is sort of funny, but also sort of scary -- because really with their razor sharp teeth and claws they could totally take us down and/or eat us while we sleep. I'm more than a little afraid of my cat. He stalks us sometimes and gets that completely glazed over look in his eye when we start to resemble prey. Beware!

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  6. No matter what I do I can't get past the term "skin kittens"

    lol

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  7. I think I have located my cat's long lost sibling. The kitchen counter! The kids' milk on the table! THE SNEAK ATTACKS! AAAAACK!

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  8. All hail Ninja Cat! André, Papa Le Chat and Big Purr say "Hey!" What the big skin kitten doesn't know we do when she's away ... Buhahahhahahaa

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  9. You're brilliant with words! Love this post.

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  10. Now I know why I don't like cats..lol.

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  11. You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
    http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/11/five-star-friday-edition-32.html

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  12. *snort*

    This is fuckin' hilarious, Alison!

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  13. ok he may be an evil ninja cat.. but he is REALLY cute.

    and what the hell is with the my little ponies.

    my cat attacks Speedys all the time. i thought it was just her and her mental ways

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