Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Evil ninja assassin cat
Good morning, Large One. Your calves look especially juicy sticking out of your bath robe this morning. I may look as though I'm sitting here grooming myself, but really I am only counting the seconds and calculating the trajectory before I launch myself at you, pin you around the knee with my front paws and sink my fangs into the sweet, sweet flesh of your leg. Iams kitten food cannot begin to compare with the taste of fresh-caught limb. (But two words, Large One: razor. blade. I don't know whether to bite your leg or groom it. Seriously.)
Yes, Large One, now that you have finished subjecting yourself to the vile and unspeakable water spray, go and get Loud One and One Whose Hair I Like to Chew up from their nests. I need more prey.
I am the the mighty hunter. I am Death made flesh. I stalk my victims through this house and no-one is safe from my wrath. The small toy horses with the intoxicating hair do not please me with screams when I put my ears back and chase them, as your skin kittens do. My thirst for blood and destruction (and the Kim Possible action figure) shall be indulged.
Behold the flayed body of the oven mitt! Fear my anger, humans.
And get me a Pounce treat.
A tuna one.