Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Psycho

I planned the murders meticulously. I bided my time until late at night when everyone in the house was asleep. I tiptoed into the kitchen and pulled a steak knife from the block on the counter. The light from the range hood glinted eerily on the serrated blade. Swiftly, I went into the living room and found my first victim. One stab with the knife, and it was all over. I cornered my next victim and it too was quickly dispatched. Soon the floor was littered with limp bodies. I cleaned up the mess.

Crap, I hate getting rid of the left-over birthday balloons. I tried to suggest to the girls that they play that game where you sit on the balloons and try to pop them with your bum, but they want to keep the balloons. All of them. Leah might actually have named them. So every night this week, I'll cull the remaining balloons a few at a time, so that they don't notice that the balloons are gone all at once. Oh, I'll leave them a couple to play with, but there really is no need to have a living room full of balloons now the party is over. I am merciless and cold-blooded that way.

7 comments:

  1. Even worse than the left over balloons, I hate (HATE, I tell you!) to pop balloons. This year I had Andy do it while I was at work, and then we told the boys that the cats did it. Worked like a charm!

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  2. I have to dispatch the balloons surreptitiously, too -- my kids completely freak out otherwise. Deflating balloons are just sad to look at.

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  3. Come on, admit it--you're secretly enjoying stabbing the crap out of those balloons and watching them take their last gasping breaths, aren't you?

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  4. Anonymous2:58 PM

    LOL I do the exact same thing. I do get a carnal satisfaction of throwing them in the trash afterwards!

    Sara

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  5. Must just be a kid thing to want to keep all the balloons, because mine do it too. I think we might even still have one tiny one left from Riley's party in March.

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  6. You are a cold-hearted woman. But I'm with you. I'm even meaner: I'll do the deed with my kids watching. They'll probably need therapy as a result.

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  7. HA! You're a better person than me, I handle the killings right in front of the boys! Though they don't seem to mind because there are always a couple mylar ones floating around for them to play with after.

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