Meditations on bad toys

Christmas has come and gone, and once again it's time to go over the list of what-the-hell-were-you-thinking? Christmas toys the girls received. I've been as guilty as the next person at buying toys that fit into this category in the past, but this year's contestants (only 2 this year) both came from Dad's house.

• Silly Putty. Coloured Silly Putty at that. Bright pink Silly Putty that contrasts so nicely with the beige/grey carpeting in the living room when it's ground into the fibres. Silly Putty that molds so easily and quickly into round discs that resemble ear muffs, that in the time it took me to leave the kids alone long enough to go to the bathroom and pee, it was molded into said ear muffs and applied to Rachel's head. Where it promptly was squashed into Rachel's hair. Attempts to remove it in my absence seemed to be of the "squish it hard around the hair and attempt to pull it out" variety. I emerged from the bathroom to find Rae on the floor crying and trying to pull two lumps of Silly putty/hair from her head. I tried to free the hair with my fingers, but ended up (and you all saw this coming, didn't you) cutting the lumps free. Rachel now looks a tad punky and wild haired -- yep, throw a swan dress on her and call her Bjork.
• The Dora Storytime Theater. This slide-projector-like toy takes 10 (count 'em, ten) AA batteries. TEN!! Geez, you'd think that with that kind of energy consumption, they'd throw in an AC converter. Or a gas-powered generator. Leah was all excited to use it, and when I told her I didn't have 10 AA batteries, had the resourceful, but eminently unworkable, plan to use the batteries from all of the 7 or so remote controls that we have for the TV, VCR, DVD and stereo receiver. Ummm, no. Not happening. Whoever bought this for the girls ought to be hung upside down by their ankles for a very long time -- it only takes a second to read the box and figure out that the cost in batteries will outstrip the cost of the toy itself in about 8 months.

Hopefully, people will learn. After all, Leah's birthday is next month.