My apologies to the
Drinking games are a long and honoured tradition. From back at university when we'd watch Cheers and swig beer whenever anyone in the bar yelled "Norm!" to Facebook memes like this one:
I think we need a new one.
I have a radio crush on Dave Brown, who does the traffic reports for CBC Radio One in the mornings. Dave has fun with the traffic report. I can't wait to hear the new ways he'll describe how traffic is moving. Or not, as the case may be.
So here it is:
The Dave Brown Traffic Report Drinking Game
Fill up your travel mug with a Timmie's double double, a Starbucks chai latte, a Bridgehead fair-trade Americano, or just the plain old coffee that comes out of your Procter-Silex, get in your car and get ready to play. Turn your dial to 91.5 FM and make sure your mug is handy when the traffic report comes on.
Take a swig whenever he says:
- It's a tough sled on all the bridges.
- There's a collision on the go. (But really, Dave, we need to talk about this one -- it's an oxymoron. When there's a collision, it's definitely on the stop.)
- And that's where the magic happens.
- 417 westbound is clogging up.
- Whenever he calls 'the Split' 'the Merge'.
- Eastbound 417 is packed to the gills.
- Keep your head on a swivel.
- Patience is a virtue. (while describing the bridges)
Take a large gulp whenever his prose gets extra-descriptive. You know what I mean. Examples of gulp-worthy lines:
- Highway 50 strikes a pose at Montée Paiement and vogues all the way down to la Vérendrye.
- The 417 westbound dashes from Boundary to Innes.
- Carling is all tangled up with pockets of congestion.
- The 174 is only a slight headache this morning, you'll only need one Advil or Tylenol.
- The 416 northbound is a tableau. Not much go, but lots of stop.
- The 417 eastbound Usain Bolts out of Kanata.
- The 174 is in need of some flaxseed oil: it's backed up from Blair to the Split.
- Volume builds up through Kanata, reaches an apex at Bayshore, then deconstructs by Woodroffe.
- The 417 westbound is as thick as a bowl of chili coming up to Scotiabank Place.
- The Queensway stuffs up at Place d'Orleans, but you'll get relief by Innes.
- The 174 is in leather pants mode: tight as it approaches the Split.
You might need a bigger travel mug than usual. I'm usually out of coffee before I get to Carling and Maitland. :)
If this catches on, we might need a return-commute All in a Day drinking game. Beverage of your choice.
Sip every time:
- Alan Neal says he's posting something to Twitter.
- Laurence Wall says 'People's Republic of Nepean'.
- Kate Macnamara says 'at the minute'.
You get the idea. :)