Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Enough already


RE: Cessation of ongoing viral/bacterial infections

To: Group A Streptococcus; Pneumococcus; Rotavirus
Cc: Norovirus; Rhinovirus

_______________________

Dear Sirs,

Though I realize that you are our major corporate stakeholders in the infection line-of-business, a lack of resources is forcing our organization to terminate the stakeholder-engagement process.

After consultation with our lung, stomach, and gastrointestinal-tract teams, we've decided to revert to our core competencies -- breathing, digestion, and nutrient absorption -- and get out of the business of coughing, vomiting, restricted oxygen levels, fever, and diarrhea.

The past few months have been productive for the infection line-of-business, with infection targets being reached or exceeded in the program sectors of pneumonia (Alison and Rachel), bronchitis (Alison), strep throat (Rachel), and some kind of rotavirus/norovirus (Leah and Rachel). We hope that you will be successful elsewhere as a direct result of leveraging the knowledge base acquired during these program trials.

We wish you the best in your future infection endeavours.

Sincerely,

Alison
CEO, Party of 3

10 comments:

  1. Dear Sirs,

    What she said.

    Jazz

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  2. so sorry you're still sick. Get well soon.

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  3. Jazz - Are you sick too? If so, feel better!

    Jen - I'm fine. (knocks on wood and crosses fingers) It's Leah right now, with a gastro bug that she caught from her sister who had it last week. It's nasty, but it is a 48-hour thing.

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  4. LOL! Where can I co-sign?

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  5. Amen, sister. Can you CC whatever's currently residing in my chest on that? I'm scaring my children.

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  6. Dear Sirs,

    Please do not expand into the American market. There's more than enough of your product line down here.

    Best wishes,
    Jen

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  7. Dear sirs:please do not come to windsor, we don't want you here either.STAY AWAY!!!!!Feel better leah.

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  8. *currently drafting a briefing note to establish what kind of testing is being proposed to determine if one is faking the mentioned ailments in order to get out of school*

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  9. Have you received a formal response yet?

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  10. Gwen, Allison, Kim and USJen - I'll take all the cosigners I can get. Maybe we call all fire the germs.

    Meanie - Unless they can fake diarrhea and fevers, they were telling the truth.

    Trash - I'm not holding my breath.

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