Wednesday, February 23, 2011
RE: Cessation of ongoing viral/bacterial infections
To: Group A Streptococcus; Pneumococcus; Rotavirus
Cc: Norovirus; Rhinovirus
Though I realize that you are our major corporate stakeholders in the infection line-of-business, a lack of resources is forcing our organization to terminate the stakeholder-engagement process.
After consultation with our lung, stomach, and gastrointestinal-tract teams, we've decided to revert to our core competencies -- breathing, digestion, and nutrient absorption -- and get out of the business of coughing, vomiting, restricted oxygen levels, fever, and diarrhea.
The past few months have been productive for the infection line-of-business, with infection targets being reached or exceeded in the program sectors of pneumonia (Alison and Rachel), bronchitis (Alison), strep throat (Rachel), and some kind of rotavirus/norovirus (Leah and Rachel). We hope that you will be successful elsewhere as a direct result of leveraging the knowledge base acquired during these program trials.
We wish you the best in your future infection endeavours.
CEO, Party of 3