Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Enough already

RE: Cessation of ongoing viral/bacterial infections

To: Group A Streptococcus; Pneumococcus; Rotavirus
Cc: Norovirus; Rhinovirus


Dear Sirs,

Though I realize that you are our major corporate stakeholders in the infection line-of-business, a lack of resources is forcing our organization to terminate the stakeholder-engagement process.

After consultation with our lung, stomach, and gastrointestinal-tract teams, we've decided to revert to our core competencies -- breathing, digestion, and nutrient absorption -- and get out of the business of coughing, vomiting, restricted oxygen levels, fever, and diarrhea.

The past few months have been productive for the infection line-of-business, with infection targets being reached or exceeded in the program sectors of pneumonia (Alison and Rachel), bronchitis (Alison), strep throat (Rachel), and some kind of rotavirus/norovirus (Leah and Rachel). We hope that you will be successful elsewhere as a direct result of leveraging the knowledge base acquired during these program trials.

We wish you the best in your future infection endeavours.


CEO, Party of 3


  1. Anonymous12:50 PM

    Dear Sirs,

    What she said.


  2. so sorry you're still sick. Get well soon.

  3. Jazz - Are you sick too? If so, feel better!

    Jen - I'm fine. (knocks on wood and crosses fingers) It's Leah right now, with a gastro bug that she caught from her sister who had it last week. It's nasty, but it is a 48-hour thing.

  4. LOL! Where can I co-sign?

  5. Amen, sister. Can you CC whatever's currently residing in my chest on that? I'm scaring my children.

  6. Dear Sirs,

    Please do not expand into the American market. There's more than enough of your product line down here.

    Best wishes,

  7. Dear sirs:please do not come to windsor, we don't want you here either.STAY AWAY!!!!!Feel better leah.

  8. *currently drafting a briefing note to establish what kind of testing is being proposed to determine if one is faking the mentioned ailments in order to get out of school*

  9. Have you received a formal response yet?

  10. Gwen, Allison, Kim and USJen - I'll take all the cosigners I can get. Maybe we call all fire the germs.

    Meanie - Unless they can fake diarrhea and fevers, they were telling the truth.

    Trash - I'm not holding my breath.