Sunday, October 24, 2010

Busted

Rachel turned 8 last weekend. She planned an almost-24-hour birthday party which included a trip to the pool at the rec centre (the one with the cool waterslide), pizza, Boston Cream Cake, a movie and a sleepover. It was an unqualified success. Lots of fun was had by all the kids.


During the party, Leah and I decided that we really didn't want to watch Furry Vengeance with the 8-year-old partygoers, my tolerance for Brendan Fraser not being at an all time high. So we repaired to my bedroom, where we watched Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. I figured that it wasn't too bad for Leah to watch -- less gore than the Indiana Jones movies, and about the same kind of plot. I'd forgotten a few things about the movie in the years since I first saw it though:

1. Despite what the credits say, the two main actors in the movie are Angelina Jolie, and Angelina Jolie's breasts. They're in almost every scene. Front and centre.


2. Daniel Craig is in the movie. And I think you all know how I feel about Daniel Craig.


(I have to give him kudos for looking her in the eyes in this picture. I'm pretty sure those things would exert an actual gravitational pull.)

3. Daniel has an almost-nude scene in the movie.


Yes, he's taking a shower (!) and hears a noise. Stepping out of the shower, and not bothering to grab a towel (squee!) he picks up his gun, and posing carefully behind a view-blocking table (what's the opposite of 'squee'?) he inserts a new clip into his gun (see picture above) and then walks to the door. He throws it open to reveal a startled chambermaid, who screams and throws a towel at him, which, disappointingly, he wraps around himself while apologizing to the maid in Spanish. Still PG rated, yet the scene makes the whole silly plot, Daniel's atrocious attempt at an American accent, and the wall-to-wall presence of Angelina's boobs worth watching.

We were watching an old VHS tape of the movie ('cause I'm old school), and as soon as the scene ended, Leah left the room to get more popcorn for us. I rewound it and watched the scene again. And then I rewound it and watched the scene again. Leah walked back in during the third time Daniel inserted the clip into his gun.

Leah: Did you rewind that?

Me: What? Oh. Um. Yeah. I did.

Leah: Why?

Me: I couldn't hear what he said at the start of the scene, so I rewound it to see if I could hear it better.
(I figured it was pretty good thinking on my feet, if I do say so myself.)

Leah: Mum?

Me: Yeah?

Leah: He was in the shower. He didn't say anything.

Busted.

17 comments:

  1. You were just making sure, right? Glad R had a good birthday.

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  2. Sadly, with a VHS copy, you can't freeze frame properly - the screen does that "cucaracha" thing (copyright Eddie Izzard) where it wiggles back and forward and you can't see properly. So I'm told.

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  3. He might've said something. He could have. Yep. Now get a DVD, he's ever so much clearer on DVD.

    - Jazz

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  4. Damn, that Leah girl is smart.

    I'm glad that Rae had a birthday. It's hard to believe she's only 8 -- some of the things that come out of her mouth make me think she's at least 13.

    And haphazardlife is right: Get a DVD player so that you can watch that scene properly.

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  5. LOL! Who wouldn't pause and rewind that scene?? ;)

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  6. Jen S. - Right. Just making sure ;-)

    Loth - That's a great description -- cucaracha. And of course you wouldn't know from trying to freeze frame Daniel. Of course not.

    Jazz - He might have. I had to be sure.

    Jen B. - Oh, I have a DVD player, two, in fact. And lots of DVDs. It's just that we have three working VCRs and I have an eclectic collection of movies on tape that I picked up cheap. Rae had a great birthday.

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  7. Pauline: EXACTLY!!!!

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  8. that is hilarious! i'd be worried about her outsmarting you in the teen years :)

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  9. Next time, you could use the line "I think he was saying something important with his body language, but I couldn't quite read it the first time around." Yeah. That should work, right?

    By the way, I've never seen Tomb Raider. I've seen so many ridiculous, cheesy movies, but never that one. How sad is that?

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  10. Meanie - I'm already worried.

    Maven - You've got to see it. Cheesy, yes. Funny though. Great popcorn movie. It has shootouts where a million bullets riccochet off everything, yet no one bleeds, and the heroine never gets hit, bungie cord yoga, a stately English manor complete with butler, an improvised weapon using an air compressor and some screwdrivers, lots of swinging on vines, giant killer robots, stone monkeys and a many-armed Hindu goddess statue that come to life, ancient temples in meteor craters, and Daniel. Definitely worth a rental.

    And I'll remember your explanation to use next time. Thanks.:)

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  11. Too funny! "He didn't say anything."
    Not going to run out and see Angelina's boobs.
    Sounds like a great 24 hour bd party especially the Boston Creme Pie.My Hus just asked me the other day why I hadn't made one in a while. Cuz I'll eat it.

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  12. Heidi - Hey! Nice to see you back. Actually, you get immune to seeing Angelina's boobs (covered up), and eventually focus on the silly, silly (but fun) plot.

    The party was great fun, and the cake was yummy. I managed to only eat one piece.

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  13. While watching Tomb Raider IN THE THEATRE (humiliating confession Wednesday) I whispered to my friend "I can't stop staring at her lips". She whispered back "me neither. Except when I'm staring at her tits. I feel so sorry for guys trying to watch this movie." And Daniel Craig -- SO rewind-worthy.

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  14. Well if the guys get to look at AJ sisters, I think we gals should get to look at . . . something. ;)

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  15. I love being able to watch movies with my kids now that I can actually enjoy too. We just watched the new Karate Kid movie last weekend, and it wasn't too bad.

    And what IS the opposite of squee? I have always wondered.

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  16. hahaha... sounds like the kind of thing I'd get busted for...

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  17. HA.

    Also, wouldn't the opposite of "squee" be "eek(s)"? It fits...

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