Wednesday, September 03, 2008

How to Make Pole Dancers, or How I Spent My Labour Day Weekend

We have a tradition that the girls and I spend Labour Day weekend with friends south of Sudbury, where we used to live. We all gather at Lori's place (me and the girls, Lori and her family, Michelle and her family, and assorted others), unpack unseemly amounts of food, and free the children to run wild in a pack for the duration, unencumbered by enforced bedtimes or nightly baths. For them, it's hide and seek, catching frogs, Supermario Smash Bros. and Rock Band on the Wii, softball, swimming in the pool, ATV rides (slowly around the property with an adult), fishing, and bonfires.

For the adults, it's all about reconnecting, eating, retro music on the crazy-loud sound system, drinking, bonfires, stargazing, laughing til you nearly pee your pants, eating, and drinking. And did I mention drinking? The drink of choice for the weekend (for those who could be enticed away from beer) was the Pole Dancer. And here's the recipe:

Pole Dancers

1 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 oz Raspberry Sourpuss liqueur
Lemon wedge

Mix liqueurs in tall glass, fill with ice and top up with Seven-Up. Squeeze lemon wedge into glass and then drop into glass. Tastes like a blue Mr. Freezie, but the lemon cuts the sweetness.

Drink two, and then decide that they take waaaaay too much time and concentration to assemble individually, and start making them by the pitcher: 6 oz Blue Curacao, 6 oz Raspberry Sourpuss, fill pitcher with Seven-Up. Stir. Clean up mess when mixture mysteriously foams up and over edge of pitcher. Squeeze lemon into glasses individually though.

Drink a couple more. Decide to play softball.
Realize that you haven't held a bat nor run bases in 18 years. No matter, Pole Dancers confer the illusion of immortality, or at least softball competence. Grab a bat and swagger up to home plate. Talk some smack to the pitcher. Miss the first pitch. Hit a pretty decent grounder down the third base line on your second pitch. Start running to first. Take the time to reflect that if one is going to drink like a frat boy at age 44 after birthing two near-nine-pound, innard-stretching babies, one should probably pee before playing softball. Pole Dancers may confer illusions of competence, but continence is another matter entirely. Fortunately the next batter homers so you can walk carefully to home plate and excuse yourself to change your shorts. No one has noticed.

Arrange for the dads to take all children and dogs down to the hydro dam to go fishing. Mix up a new pitcher and bring a drink to each of the moms, who are officially off duty. Decide amongst yourselves that it would be relaxing to enjoy the Pole Dancers in the now kid-free pool. Try not to drown due to excessive laughing while trying to heave your bulk up onto an air mattress in the pool while under the influence.

Finally, make plans to enjoy the drinks, and each other, same time, same place, next year.


  1. That sounds like SO MUCH FUN!

  2. dreamy, just dreamy....

  3. Natalie1:24 PM

    Thanks for that vicarious holiday, Alison. It was lovely. And hilarious, too.

  4. sounds like a blast!

    i am going to have to try those pole dancers.. just not while involving softball i think ;)

  5. That sounds awesome. :)

  6. Bill Walsh5:07 PM

    Dear God, from the headline, I thought you were talking about your girls. Whew!

  7. Stop flaunting your luxurious lifestyle to those of us who live paltry miserable existences by comparison -- you and your fancy schmancy drinks and stuff. (sigh)

  8. One word: JEALOUS!!! Glad you had a good time though!

  9. Jen - It was LOADS of fun. It always is. It's the one weekend a year that I really relax, knowing that the kids are having a great time and that I can chill out too.

    Meanie - Yup, and I didn't want to wake up either.

    Natalie - You should come next year.

    J.T. - Try 'em, you'll like 'em. I promise.

    Nat - Awesome is a good word to describe it.

    Bill - Um, I guess I can see how you'd maybe make that mistake. But seriously, Leah has my co-ordination (or lack thereof), so pole dancing is not in her future for TWO reasons.

    XUP - I don't know that I'd call stress incontinence while running the bases luxurious, but OK, I'll stop. Until next Labour Day.

    SaraJ - The annual weekend reminds me a lot of Bundles get-togethers. That same good vibe, except there are older children that take care of the younger ones, so there's less 'mommying' and more relaxing.

  10. Even though I got the advance copy of this post, I still laughed reading this.
    And as I promised, Rhino went to the LCBO for me - so pole dancers tonight:)

  11. "heave your bulk" haha! What a great expression...

  12. Josie - You gotta let me know if you like them. They're a perfect summer drink.

    Susan - It's an unflattering expression, but sadly true.

  13. It sounds wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

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