I don't think it's any secret that I am not the world's most graceful person.
I am 5'10" with long gangly arms and legs. I also have balance issues that would lead any competent physician to suspect inner ear problems. So. Cut to the chase: Not graceful. Clumsy. Awkward. I'm hoping to use this to my advantage somehow.
So there I was, clearing up in the kitchen, listening to my latest, most favourite jam on repeat on my iPhone, earbuds in, because I like it loud. I was dancing up a storm, feeling very sure that this is what I looked like:
In actuality, I probably looked a lot more like this:
Only slightly less hairy.
You'll have to imagine the general flailing and tipping too far to one side followed by the over-correction as I attempted to right myself, knocking an empty gym water bottle off the counter with my elbow. I didn't see where it landed, I have a blind spot around my feet because...boobs. So of course I immediately stepped on the water bottle, which sent me hurtling to the floor. It's a good thing the dog is quick. It's the only thing that saved him from becoming crushed into a small, furry latke stuck to the tile floor.
I got up slowly, and leaned a bit on the counter near the edge of the sink to push myself upright. My earbud cord snagged on a spatula that was sitting in a pot of water in the sink, lifting it up and dropping it neatly on my toes. The resultant hopping around dislodged the lid of the sugar bowl and, as if in slow motion, accompanied by my "Nooooooooo" it bounced on the tiles and separated into four pieces:
Crazy glue - for sugar bowl lid
Bubble wrap - for all hard surfaces in kitchen
Baby gate - to keep dog/cats out of squash zone
Mirrors and duct tape - for blind spot
Vodka - to help with the 'sitting down not moving around' thing