Sunday, September 12, 2010

Squirrels: cute woodland creatures or evil vermin? Discuss.

I have a really nice mature oak tree in my yard. It is large, and spreading, and produces big, glossy brown acorns that look good enough to eat. So, if they look appetizing to me, you can only imagine how delicious they look to the squirrels in the area.

Lately, there have been scads of squirrels in my yard, busily burying the booty from the oak tree. 'Oh how charming,' I thought, 'you know it's fall when the industrious squirrels are out looking so cute and busy burying the acorns.'

That was a few days ago. Now I'm not quite so charmed. See, the very best acorns grow at the very ends of the branches, which are thin and springy. And the portly squirrels, seriously in need of a zumba class or two, have trouble staying on the branches to eat or collect the acorns. Their solution? Bite the ends off the branches and toss them down, then climb down the tree and stuff their fat little faces in comfort on the grass. The lawn under the tree is littered with the branch ends -- a clump of 10 or 12 leaves on a twig that's been neatly severed with a perfect 45° bite.

It can't be good for the tree, and it makes a lot of work for me and the girls picking up the now acornless branch ends off the lawn. At first, I found myself muttering, "Stupid freakin' squirrels" under my breath, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that they're pretty smart freakin' squirrels.

Smart .... and evil.

I have to wonder that since they figured that problem out, can attempted world domination be far off?


  1. Squirrels are evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. I hate them almost as much as I hate deer.

  2. Anonymous8:09 AM

    Can world domination be far off? They already rule the world, they just haven't let you in on the secret yet.

  3. they are totally evil. i remember there was one my grandmother would leave peanuts for on her front step when we were kids.

    one day we had taken off early to go out and about and she wanted to have supper at her place. we came back to this crazy bastard on her front step hissing at us. and he wasnt moving.

    we were afraid that he was going to attack or something. my grandfather had to go in through the back door, get the broom and shoo this little bastard away

  4. Zyra, Empress of Death and Destruction (aka my cat) says: Fat, earth-bound squirrels? I'll be there tomorrow!

  5. Red squirrels = good.
    Grey squirrels = evil.

    Grey squirrels are rats with bushy tails.

  6. Evil buggers. Ate all my squash...

    I hear they follow you into the house too.

  7. So, the consensus seems to be that squirrels are evil, and in Loth's case, yummy to cats. About what I expected.

    Jen B. - At least deer don't get in your attic. And they taste good.

    Jazz - I kinda suspected it. The one that came down my chimney was an advance scout.

    Jobthingy - Scary! And after you fed the little bugger with peanuts too! How ungrateful.

    Loth - I will send a first-class ticket for Zyra.

    Jen - I like the little red ones. We have some of those too, but the culprits are the big black ones (which are just a colour variation of the Grey Squirrel) that are definitely rats with bushy tails.

    Nat - Sorry you're squashless. And they'll rappel down your chimney too...

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  9. Oh my goodness! I've been wondering for days how those beautiful little rosettes of leaves are ending up on the ground.
    For me to sweep/pick up. Hmmmm.

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