It's Sunday morning. I'm making breakfast for Rachel. Leah is sleeping over at a friend's place. Rae is sitting at the dining room table with her stuffed cat. I am spreading peanut butter on an English muffin. I'm half asleep, because I was over at a party at Jay's the night before and I'm not used to staying up past 11 these days. (I am so lame.)
Rachel: Mom, why do you have a nipple on your chin?
Me: [not quite sure I heard right] A what?
Rachel: That nipple, right there [pointing], on the side of your chin.
Me: That's not a nipple, it's a mole. I have a mole on my chin.
Rachel: Oh. Are you sure? I thought those were called nipples.
Me: [picturing lots of opportunities for humour in Rae's future] No, honey. It's a mole. Trust me on this.
Doesn't children's television cover subjects like this? No? Well, maybe it should. I could see Elmo clearing up these anatomical confusions by explaining the difference between moles and nipples to Dorothy the goldfish. I really could.
Maybe he could do it by rewriting that old body parts fave. I can hear it now: Head and shoulders, nipples and moles, nipples and moles, nipples and moles....