Wednesday, April 04, 2007

When girls drink too much

I was just reading Danigirl's post Dancing with Beloved on Postcards from the Mothership, and the lines where she described the differences between dancing near someone and dancing with someone made a great deal of tea exit through my nose, and made me think of an e-mail a friend had sent me a while back (in particular, number 2, below, is what reminded me), and I thought I would share it with you:

When we girls drink too much...........

1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.

2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling
our butt while yelling "woo-hoo!" is truly the sexiest dance move

3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someone's butt
and honestly believe we could do it too.

4. In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like a
homeless hooker than the goddess we were just four hours ago.

5. We drop our 3:00 a.m. submarine sandwich on the floor (which
we're eating even though we are not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it

6. We start crying and telling everyone we see that we love them
sooooo much.

7. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a
new song plays because "Oh my god! I love this song!"

8. We've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to us.

9. The man we're flirting with used to be our 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table
and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming to us.

11. Our eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own
so we keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. We've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

13. We yell at the bartender, who we believe cheated us by giving us just lemonade, but that's just because we can no longer taste the gin.

14. We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like
the kitchen floor.

15. We start every conversation with a booming, "don't take this the wrong way but..."

16. We fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when we sit on it.

17. Our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. We are tired so we just sit on the floor (wherever we
happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.

19. We begin leaving the buttons open on our button fly pants
to cut down on the time we're in the bathroom away from our drink.

20. We take our shoes off because we believe it's their fault that
we're having problems walking straight.

These are sadly, pathetically, and totally familiar -- in my case I'm intimately familiar with numbers 1, 2, 4, 6, 7 (especially 7), and 18, as anyone who went drinking with me back in the day and stayed sober enough to take note of my behaviour will tell you. Not that this happens with any great frequency these days, but I'm just sayin'. Total. Accuracy.

You too, right?


  1. Anonymous12:18 PM

    I don't think I have ever been drunk enough to do those things.


    Yes, I know. I'm a big nerd/dork/geek/goody two shoes/your term here...

  2. #2, 8, 5 and 10 for me. Ahhhh--memories... I'm thinking I need a night out soon...

  3. 10, Susan??? Really?? We *have* to meet someday and go out. Maybe we should take Alissa with us...

  4. Yeah #10--nothing that risque--I didn't sport a nipple shield or anything--I'm sure I thought I was hotter than I was--so I guess #4 applies as well.

  5. I hear ya on 2, 4, 6, 7, 11, 13, 14 (except it was the landing of the stairs-2nd floor), 15 and 20. Ahhh, college and sorority life.

    Alissa-You sure you can't come to Niagara with us?

  6. Funny post! (And thanks for the shout-out.) I was never a huge drinker, but some of these were familiar anyway. #2, #4, #5,#6, defintely #7 and absolutely #10. One of the few times I was really, really drunk, I clearly remember starting to unbutton my blouse so I could more freely dance in the rain that was starting to fall one sultry August night. A friend who could hold her alcohol a little better intervened, elsewise I have no idea how far I would have stripped!

  7. I'm along the lines with Alissa. Not that I've never been drunk, just not drunk enough to do most of that stuff. Plus I always seem to get stuck being the designated driver.

  8. holy shit! we're soul mates!

  9. Anonymous3:48 AM

    hey al i think you forgot a number what about being so drunk you actually thought you were a rock star with paris hilton oops i mean your sister in law janet... hey i think we really could use another family wedding lol