Thursday, October 12, 2006

Krazy Glue is not my friend

A short list of things that I have krazy glued to myself:
  • the broken handle of a Brita water pitcher
  • a Nativity scene shepherd
  • the kitchen counter top
and, most recently
  • a black cat Halloween pendant with flashing red lightbulb eyes, and, at the same time,
  • my right middle finger to my right ring finger.
The shepherd was probably the most traumatic -- for the girls, that is. It was last Christmas and we were decorating the house for our first big holiday without their dad living with us.

Both girls wanted to put the Nativity scene up on the mantel. I got it out and arranged the figures. It's not an expensive set, the figures are a hard plastic that looks like ceramic. I turned my back to get some candles out of the cupboard (because nearly every freaking Christmas ornament for my mantelpiece needs a tea light in it), and turned back just in time to see Rachel on the stool from the bathroom teetering on the tile hearth, trying to rearrange the little people. Two shepherds hit the hearth and their feet broke off. Both girls were in tears. It's OK, I told them, Mommy has Krazy Glue. I'll fix those shepherds and you won't even know they were broken.

Carefully, I figured out which pair of feet went with which shepherd. I performed the first reattachment with all the skill of a surgeon. Perfect. The second operation needed a bit more fiddling to get the ankles to line up on the feet, but, finally he too was in one piece, ready to adore the infant Jesus. Or at least he would have been, if he hadn't been stuck to my finger.

Well, after a little hot water, some nail-polish remover and some brute force, shepherd number two was back on the mantel with his co-worker, not looking too worse for wear except for the little curly piece of skin stuck to his leg.

Fast forward to the latest run-in. This was considerably more traumatic for me. I read somewhere that a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience, but in my books second marriages are not nearly so foolish as repeated usages of Krazy Glue. Leah brought her dollar-store Halloween necklace to me. The pendant part had parted from the little eye screw that held it to the neclace part. Out came the KG with nary a sinister chord sounding in the background to warn me that this was A Very Bad Idea.

I glued the little eye screw back into the pendant. I also glued the pendant and my ring finger to my right middle finger. And the ring finger was bent while the middle finger was straight, resulting in finger cramps. Hot water and nail-polish remover did not work this time. So, against my better judgment, and in total desperation, out came the exacto knife. Did I mention that I'm right-handed? You do realize that this means that I was attempting to sever the glue bond with a very sharp instrument being held in a hand that doesn't have the motor control to scrawl my name on paper with a crayon. It was a tense couple of minutes, but I'm glad to report that Leah is wearing her necklace, and I'm typing this with two hands and ten separate fingers.

No comments:

Post a Comment