Thursday, August 02, 2012

According to Rachel: Ladies of the Evening edition



Friday night in Carp. Early summer. Ten p.m. or so.

I am lolling on my bed, glass of red in hand, enjoying the breeze blowing through the window, and watching the beginning of a C.S.I. episode on DVD. Leah is at my desk, which is right beside my bed, playing spider solitaire on the computer. Rae wanders in unexpectedly from her bedroom, where I'd assumed she was asleep, since I'd tucked her in earlier. As it's Friday night, there is no set bedtime.

Onscreen, two hookers are strutting around and leaning over into cars.  Rachel catches sight of the TV screen. It's too late to turn it off.

Rae: What are those girls doing?
Me (mentally girding my loins for one of *those* conversations): Well... [pause to collect thoughts] Those girls are prostitutes.
Rae: What are prostitutes?
Me (remembering my vow not to lie to my kids but to explain things in simple terms and not go into too much detail): A prostitute is a woman who makes a living by having sex with men.
Rae (nonchalantly): Oh. You mean a hooker.
Me (mildly shocked and quite amused): Where did you learn that word?
Rae: From Leah.

We both turn and look at Leah, who has a bit of a deer-in-the-headlights expression on her face.
Me: Leah, where did you learn about hookers?
Leah: From Ellie and Grace.

[The daughters of a friend of mine whom I *know* will find this very funny when I tell her about it.]
Me: *Loud guffaws.* And how did that conversation happen?
Leah: We were listening to a Lady Gaga song, and I was all, "what is this song about?" and Grace explained it to me.

Me: Oh. OK.
Rae: Is there any ice cream?

Question answered.  Crisis averted.  Ice cream consumed.

14 comments:

  1. I do, I do find this to be VERY funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had to read this out loud to my husband --we are so often caught unawares by shows we watch as a family, and end up having to pause and explain things we'd rather not. And mostly, about halfway through our honest and straightforward explanation, Emma says "Oh --it's just that." and un-pauses the show :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's amazing the stuff they know that you don't know they know. Isn't it?

      Delete
  3. What I love is how they just take stuff in stride. Sometimes I think these things are big because we make them so. The kids, not so much.

    I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned in there somewhere, but I'm against lessons on Fridays.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. Both on the kids taking things in stride and the no lessons on Fridays.

      Delete
  4. That's awesome. I watch the Disney channel a lot, specifically because I'm avoiding little chats like this. Maybe I should just embrace the hooker conversation so that I can watch some grown up shows. :\

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A little grownup tv is worth a couple of awkward questions. But I tend not to watch the HBO stuff when they're in the house. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

      Delete
  5. It's when they start to discuss the relative charges of various positions that you really start to worry.

    My lovely wee daughter, when she was about 9, was discussing the same thing as your girls.
    We explained in the same way you did.

    My lovely wee daughter looked a bit puzzled, then she asked, "How much do the ladies have to pay to get sex Daddy?"

    Ah, innocence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very funny. Can you imagine men in fishnet hose and high heels prancing around for carloads of leering women?

      Delete
  6. Those conversations have enormous potential to open up a can of worms. Glad yours went smoothly.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Reminds me of my friend at BlogHer telling me about when her daughter found the EdensFantasys swag and wouldn't let it go until she explained. "Well, it's like a ... pretend.... penis."

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think your strategy of giving simple explanations is the way to go. I learned that the hard way and would always tie myself up in knots scaring the sh*t out of them. :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. Haven't started playing Solitaire on your mobile? Download SOLITAIRE (Works on iOS and Android)

    ReplyDelete