1. I will not spend all afternoon making a new and bragged-about recipe for my best friend's potluck Christmas party, and, after negotiating the icy, slippery, and long forested driveway safely, let my impatience to get into the house and have a beer cause me to try to twist open the front door knob while still holding the 9 x 13 pan of enchiladas, causing said pan to slip from my hands and land upside down on the front porch of the party house and ruining the dish.
2. I will not proceed to try to make myself feel better about the enchiladas and the presence of my ex and his girlfriend at the party by drinking a few too many beers.
3. I will not put up the Christmas tree the day after the big Christmas party after 3 hours of sleep and with a hangover.
4. I will not use the big yellow bucksaw to make a fresh cut on the bottom of the Chrismas tree trunk with a bad headache (see 3. above), the sawing motion and need to hold the trunk steady does not make the headache any better.
5. I will not put up the tree lights without paying attention to which end of the first string of lights plugs into the lighted star on the top of the tree. I will not spend 40 minutes carefully draping multiple strings of lights on the tree only to get to the bottom and go to plug it in and find that the end I'm holding has the little slots in it, and is not the plug end (see 3. above).
6. I will not say a lot of bad words without first checking that Rachel is out of earshot (see 5. above).