Friday, January 28, 2011

According to Rachel, January 2011 edition

In the car the other night, driving back from visiting friends, talking about summer camps to Leah.

Me: And they have all kinds of camps. They even have a C.S.I. camp where you learn detective techniques!

Leah: Cool!

Rachel [sounding very adult and world-weary]: That would be the Village of Yawn for me.

Me: . . . . *hysterical laughter*

Rachel [sounding disgruntled]: What?

Me: Where did you hear that?

Rae [sounding defensive]: Nowhere. I was just trying to say that it sounds boring.

Me: Well, you did a pretty good job.

(I am totally going to use this from now on whenever something is boring: "Are you going to the legend committee meeting, Alison?" "Yep, I'm heading out to the Village of Yawn." )

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Son of the Evil Ninja Assassin Cat

Good evening, Large One.

I cannot believe you have made such a mis-step, such a mistake. In all the years of our warfare you have proved a worthy opponent. But no more.

Did you really think that bringing another Superior Being into the household would tame me? Did you think that another of my ilk would render me soft and playful? Ha! I laugh at that idea.

You have provided me with a henchkitten, and together we will. destroy. your. world.

Sure, he looks innocuous and sweet:

But I shall train him. He shall be my disciple in all the unholy arts.

We shall eat together:

And rest together:

I shall teach him the arcane and mysterious feline martial arts:

I shall school him in the occult mysteries of mind melding and thought transfer:

And then I shall turn him loose to wreak havoc on your paltry human lives!

He will shed all over your favourite chair:

He will steal your identity and demolish your credit rating! (And order lots of canned tuna online.)

He will bite all the buttons off your duvet cover!

And shred the blankie of Loud One!

Anarchy and mayhem shall follow you all the days of your life!

The Evil Ninja Assassin Cat and the Henchkitten will be obeyed!

Or you shall suffer the consequences.

Friday, January 21, 2011

A good day

A school trip to the Parliament Buildings:


Skating on the Rideau Canal Skateway:


A fire in the fireplace:


Home-made pizza (can you tell which third of the pie was mine?):


A glass or two of Shiraz:


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Be careful what you wish for

I am sorry for the long absence, but I've been a little....under the weather since Christmas, having hit the pulmonary lotto (thanks Jen, for that phrase) of pneumonia with a side of bronchitis. So I've been off work since New Year's, trying to rest and regain my strength while the antibiotics and steriods do their magic.

I thought I'd tell you about a conversation that happened on New Year's Eve. On holidays in Windsor, the girls and I went out for dinner with family to a Chinese restaurant in Lasalle. On the way out, the owner gave each of the girls a cellophane bag holding several fortune cookies. On the way to my sister's place in Belle River, the girls started eating the cookies and reading the fortunes.

Leah: Mum, listen to this fortune, it's weird: "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it." That doesn't sound bad.

Me: When you're a bit older, I'll read you a story called 'The Monkey's Paw'. It's really scary.

Leah: How is getting what you wish for scary?

Me: In the story, the wishes don't turn out like the people thought they would.

Rachel: I don't think that story would be scary at all.

Me: No? Why not?

Rachel: What's so scary about a bunch of monkeys getting their nails done?

Me: ......? [comprehension dawns] Rachel, it's "The Monkey's Paw" not "The Monkey Spa".

Rachel: Oh.


I had occasion to revisit this subject with Leah a few days ago. I told her that I had been wishing for a week off work while she and her sister were at school, so that I could declutter and deep clean the house. Well, I got the week off alright, but was too weak to do more than lie on the couch watching True Blood and C.S.I. on DVD. I told her that I should have been careful what I wished for.

I think she gets it now.